San Jose Meditation – Throwing Away The ‘Good Girl’ Complex
Ji-hye Kook / Office worker
I was known by my friends as a ‘good girl’. My friends have asked me for anything and everything. One by one, both homework and group assignments were taken up by me. I was at my wit’s end when I was asked if I could lend them my precious clothes or books. I was scolded by my parents for the products that came back broken after lending them to others. I wanted to say, ‘I can’t,’ but it was hard. It was because of my concern, “What if they don’t like me?”
Escaping from my complex by throwing away the wounds from my childhood best friend
As I practiced throwing away my minds during meditation, I remembered an incident when I was in elementary school. My best friend and I made a new friend and then I had my old friend taken away. Who do I play with and who do I sit with on the bus? I cried and struggled for a long time in my young heart. And I thought this shall never happen again.
A few years later the best friend apologized via messenger and the misunderstanding was cleared up, but the scars and inferiority complex remained in my mind. I was afraid to be alone and worried about losing my friends.
‘The kindness I showed others was to gain recognition from my friends,’ I thought. So I started to throw away my standards and the frame of respect I possessed. As I threw away my minds of having lost my friends and also my fear, I became more comfortable with my relationships.
Now I know how to wisely refuse requests. I need to be transparent. If I am honest about the situation that I want to help but can’t, my friends understand and I am comfortable because I don’t have any regrets. If I used to laugh outwardly, now I laugh freely and from the heart. I think it’s real consideration when you help without any expectation.
